Secondary Infertility. Who’s got it? I do!
I know, why on earth would I share something so personal on social media? Well the truth is, women who experience Secondary Infertility do not have much support other than their close friends and family and by posting this I hope to let other women know they’re not alone and it all kind of sucks.
“I’ve got one. I just wanted one more,” Is what replays in my head pretty much every day. Getting pregnant with Max was not an easy task, it took about a year but we eventually did get pregnant and he is the coolest little dude we could have ever hoped for.
This Secondary Infertility sort of makes sense to me. For starters, I am not young. Diminishing Ovarian Reserve is what happens to us ladies as we get older. I am from the generation who wanted all her ducks in a row before bringing a baby into the world. Jobs, finances, car, house, etc. That is what we did and that took time. We got older as we accomplished what we felt we needed to before baby and that is okay. I/we do not regret any of that. I look back on my life, my personality, my attitude while I was in my mid to late 20’s and I am thankful I waited to get my act together before considering a baby. I was selfish, a little wild and my priorities certainly were not where they needed to be. However, your mid to late 20’s (even earlier) is when a womans body is meant to start a family. So it makes sense that I am not as fertile as I would have been back then and again, that is okay.
The options or should I say option we were given was IVF. While I am not against IVF, it just simply is not for me. I am choosing to not go through with IVF for reasons I will not go into here, but I will say that if the universe has baby #2 planned for us, it will happen. I truly believe that. I have heard so many stories of women/couples who were told, “you will never be able to get pregnant,” and so many have beat the odds. That could be me too. One day, I can wake up and have a little bean growing in my belly again. You never know what the future holds. In the meantime, I will continue eating healthy, exercising regularly, practicing yoga, meditating and going to acupuncture. Doing things naturally is what has always felt best for me and my body. So we’ll see.
I will admit, I am not always optimistic and sunshine-y about this. I have my rough days. Max and I do a lot of activities during the week. We are constantly around moms with two or more kids. Usually it is moms who have a child Max’s age and another either in the bucket car seat, a sling or they’re carrying that beautiful baby bump. Most days I’m good. I’m so happy for those Mamas, their growing families, and I try really hard to not feel jealous (though sometimes I do). I certainly have those days my husband comes home from work to a sobbing wife, but he’s amazing and has been my rock through all of this. Like the days I have those unexpected triggers. A curious woman at the grocery store, seeing Max and asking, “Are you going to have another?” (what do you say to these people??) or hearing other moms talk about their second baby “giving him a sibling was so important…” or my own thoughts, “I can’t imagine my life without my siblings. Will Max be lonely? Will he miss out on that bond? Will he resent me?” Ugh, just writing this is making me tear up.
Okay, back to the positive/optimistic me…
My husband and I do not know what is in store for us. Regardless of our story, whether it be a miracle baby #2 or simply our little amazing Maxaroo we are blessed. We have and always will feel grateful, happy and rich in all that life has given us.
Thanks for reading. 🙂
The Beautiful Illustration above by Richard Wilkinson